(part one) i shouldn't have looked i don't feel any better everything's the same it didn't change the weather it's still 5am, and i feel like shit again i just found out that i am never gonna live again and hey that's pretty nice, why don't we talk through the internet? and if we coat our denial in unhealthy shades of irony we can talk for a while just keep your eyes off of me and if you look in my general direction that's fine just, please pretend it's a mistake next time (it's off) one two three four! (i am starving) i didn't want to be here i only came here to see michael who is now having an anxiety attack (i am starving) and my attempts to comfort him aren't making anything better and it's rubbing off on me i am starving! i am starving! can we please leave oh i hate these lights i wanna get outta here i wanna start fight i wanna end a friendship i wanna do something new i want anything i wanna be with you i'm alone with you you're alone with me i'm alone with you you're alone with me i'll give you one more chance we can work it out i'm alone in thought you forgot the route home we're gonna get lost i hate you/i am starving (ambigious) and when the day is done we can walk home to our separate beds and i'll cry and wish i could rest my head on somebody else's shoulder (part two) the street name was maple but i didnt see any trees nearby only all of these people i wonder if they know how they're gonna die (i don't) i am swimming around the sea you are looking round for me and you'll find me! lying on the floor somewhere in a gaudy jacket, half-asleep and the secret to eternal life is somewhere in an abandoned warehouse in missouri and your limbs have left you long behind and you're only a soul you're only a mind but what difference does it really make? platonic ideals this is not a place of honor, no highly esteemed dead is commemorated here. nothing valued is here. what is here is dangerous and repulsive to us. this message is a warning of that danger. the danger is in a particular location. it increases towards the center. the center of the danger is here in a particular size and shape. and around us. and in us. and throughout us, and it has engulfed us. you exist as more than yourself and i exist as only a shell if we put ourselves together we'll come out two people no one with extra parts and no one left empty. empty dreams of love and comfort empty dreams that never happened (if i had if you had we'd be full) and i'm awake inside my dreams and you are there to comfort me and i found my life inside of death everything's done i'm out of breath

that street corner looks just like this other one–where i used to live it’s in the bricks they both use the same colors (and it bothers me) but it’s fine! in my mind! there’ll be peace tonight delusions’ll carry my soul to the grates of heaven and beyond all my friends have jobs they all work at the corporation factory while i just sit at home and stare at the television screen and the actors stare back at me and say ‘hello, how are you doing? i feel alone, how are you doing? why don’t you bring anyone home? why are you doing this alone?’ laying on the floor punching air just hoping something gets in the way i wanna hurt my fists on someone's ego break myself and all my friendships and i’ll bathe in pity i feel so alone but at least i look pretty i wanna go home i wanna star in a silent film someone’s sneaking out of their house now someone else just did cocaine and you say you’re secure in your place now but you lie when you talk about your day gotta keep myself from falling apart in your face

a l r i ght when you’re asleep do you dream at night? when you close your eyes do you feel alright? part 1 (about me) september i’m asleep on an air mattress a chrysalis forms inside my head at about 7 my mom comes to wake me up for dinner but i’m pretty sure i’m dead nothing she says gets into my head her words fall flat on the former hardwood floor but it’s still enough for me to know something’s going on so i gather my fears and walk out of my door later that week in a social studies class i am sitting on the verge of tears my eyes about to burst, colors flying everywhere i’ve been exposed in front of my peers but maybe it’s alright i can pull it all together forgetting a bit of myself along the way i can get home tell myself that i’m fine and then i’ll throw every last bit of who i am inside these friends aren’t real they don’t know me but oh it’s such a steal to get this all for free when you go to sleep do you dream at night? when you close your eyes do you feel alright? i could leave this all behind tell myself that i'll be fine this never happened never happened october comes so fast and it hits me like a truck oh i feel so alone, sitting in my home on halloween but god fuck paul mccartney i don’t want to let it be i want answers to my problems and i want drugs and i want money part 2 (about a friend) you spend novemeber on a porch with your corpse on public display so i try to hand a torch to help you burn all your problems away and though the smell of burning flesh i have never been much accustomed to i can brave it through if it means i’ll getta t t t talk to you when you go to sleep do you dream at night? when you close your eyes do you feel alright? can you throw me a line can you tell me the time? i know it’s december but nothing else feels right and if you won’t talk to me can you try to be at least a little little little bit healthy part 3 (about ?) wondering where it’s all gone where did it snake off to after when i last talked to you i’m laying on a bathroom floor hoping for someday more while the worms eat into my brain where did you go? i wanna wanna crawl over to you but i can’t bring myself to feel these things and you don’t seem to know there’s not even water under our bridge just a dry bed and all the birds around have lost their wings and you’re not wondering where it’s all gone ‘cause nothing really left for you it’s all the same am i insane? i’m laying on a bathroom floor hoping for someday more while the worms eat into my brain but why do i feel numb i wanna wanna pull the trigger on a gun this was supposed to have hurt me more but i just don’t care i’m filled to the brim with apathy i’m not me i’m not me anymore away from home walking down new streets cover up cover up no you don’t see me part 4 (about nothing) when you go to sleep do you dream at night when you close your eyes do you feel alright? and in the end you’ll text me again it’s alright it’s alright i love you

your assault rifle motif is the only thing keeping me holding on i wonder how you glow i love all your clothes monday thru friday business hours all the other times i’m thinking of ways that i could fall off we’re both kinda the same did i say that i liked your name? pyromania hurts but i can deal with flame motifs in my life don’t keep me satisfied and i know it i don’t know i wish that i did i don’t want you to be like him i don’t want him to be like you and you’ve got your outfits and i’ve got mine and yours look nice and mine look fine and i don’t know how to think of you ‘cuz everytime i do it just ends badly and i hate you a swiss army knife pulled out at school you’re not allowed to do that (these next lines are all overlapping) it doesn’t make sense everybody turned a blind eye but i’m still scared to sit by your side everybody turned a blind eye but when i’m with you i want to die the way you talk about me i don’t understand what you think you’re so vague in all that you say i wish i knew what you thought

i have fallen in love with the moon in the form of a boy i don’t know he only speaks to me in cryptic runes but that’s okay cuz when he does he glows he’s more than what you make of him he’s more than what you make of him they’ve got love and money and other things that we don’t even understand but he’s got the fingernail painted black on the ring finger of his left hand i got out of bed at 3pm and you’re not awake yet i got out of bed at 3pm and you’re not awake yet i have fallen in love with the moon in the form of a boy i don’t know he only speaks to me in cryptic runes but that’s okay cuz when he does he glows i’m more than what you make of me we’re more than what you make of us hello nice to meet you you didn’t catch my name but it’s not like you need it anyways cuz you’ve got bigger problems and other things that we don’t need to talk about cuz we’ve all got fears you’ve got the same one’s that i’ve got maybe it’s just teenaged angst and maybe it’s a problem but in the end it doesn’t matter we’ll just sleep in too late and say “oh goddamnit i had plans” pacing across the floor at 3am on a wednesday night i am invincible i am not susceptible to the whims of mortality i got out of bed at 3pm and you’re not awake yet i have fallen down back to where i used to be i have fallen down the cycle has consumed me i have fallen down

is it me or are those eyes mine? am i egocentric will i ever be satisfied? do the words i write have enough meaning to be writing? should i just go paint or fix the lighting in my room? it’s fucked up from the move you finished the portrait you said you would do it looks fucking great, he looks just like you i’ll keep making my songs you keep being strong oh god, i hope you’re doing better now watercolor paintings of a future filled with pain and loathing it’s gonna make me lose composure god i hope i find some closure soon do you charge enough? i feel like you deserve more was i ever enough? i feel like you deserved more was it just for you or was it for them too? fuck, i hope they’re doing better now pornographic drawings of all these things you made out of desperation i think they’ve long lost their composure god i hope they get some closure soon oh god tell me not to text you oh god cuz i fucking want to oh god tell me not to text you oh god cuz i fucking love you laying there asleep while i’m awake have another dream on the bus to new york i wanna talk for a while i wanna cry i wanna smile i wanna unleash all my deepest darkest fears in your general direction an emotional collection of all the things we loved and hated in ourselves i didn’t know you then it’ll be better as friends we won’t be clouded, we won’t be clouded in our judgment i sent my last text as 4:01 should i send you another or are you done? i don’t want to seem desperate oh god i’m fucking desperate god i’m gonna lose control soon my eyes are bulging out my head stuck in a vacuum empty words of love and comfort in my head and round my soul in my body i’m there with you without you i’m nothing new fuck i want a hug or maybe a kiss this sexual affection is bringing me down our bodies are nice but i prefer your mind or maybe your words or really your soul laying there asleep while you’re awake have another dream to cope with your feelings god i hate dreaming take me back to real life no wait put me back god i hate dreaming take me back to real life no put me back in i won’t give up if you’re not gonna give up you won’t give up if i’m not gonna give up i won’t give up i’m not gonna giv up i won’t give up i’m not gonna give up now i burnt your letter written out of love i got no catharsis no angels from above i wish it didn’t have to be like this broken promises texts all screaming fits but when it all comes down it i’ll fall for you once again cuz when it all comes down to it i always want to be only a friend watercolor paintings

a microphone face is all i can conjure up my emotions aren't yours to see and i am you but you're not me and i think i'd like to keep it that way for the time being and somehow now it's better this way i am working on a way to hate more people and you i hope you're getting belter soon before the illness sets in and rigor mortis takes your body i hope you thought that i could sit around and let it all go i hope you thought that i could sit around and let it take you i hope you thought that could sit around and let it all go i hope you thought that i could sit around and do nothing about it

i know you well enough to give you everything but i just don’t know you well enough to tell you what i’ve got to give